Memories of Korea: My most outrageous acquaintance

One of the most interesting Koreans I ever met was a thirty-something businessman whom I tutored. “Ken” was nearly fluent in English (quite uncommon in the backwater town where we lived), and our “lessons” were one-hour chats at a table in his restaurant.

Ken claimed to have once won the “Mr. Korea” body-building contest. He said he had a photo of himself with Arnold Schwarzenegger to prove it, but I don’t think I ever got to see it (he mentioned it in passing only months after we’d known each other, and I left Korea shortly thereafter). Ken also claimed to have spent three years in Kenya working in the (illegal) import-export business. In addition to owning a restaurant, Ken also owned a study hall in the same town where hard-working Korean students could go after school (I know, this last bit doesn't sound all that interesting, but it's important for later, so don't forget it).

Shortly after taking Ken on as an English student, I noticed that he had an exceedingly short span of attention. He would look bored after 5 or 10 minutes of discussion on almost any topic other than sex. But whenever we spoke on that particular subject, I had Ken’s whole-hearted concentration.

To be clear, we weren’t talking about sex between him and me, just sex in general. I would ask him questions about some of the things I’d heard from other teachers and other students. Were sexually transmitted diseases really as prevalent among Koreans as I’d been told? (He said they weren’t uncommon.) Were there really such things as hymen repair surgeries, and people willing to pay for them? (Definitely, Ken said.) Exactly what went on in those rooms where two people could go to rent and watch a movie in total privacy? (Exactly what you think … where else were young people going to go???) On and on … he was up for it, so to speak. He sometimes confessed to me that he had cheated (yet again) on his girlfriend who lived in Seoul. (I was someone safe for him to confide in, because who would I tell?) It became clear to me that he had a sex addiction. And yet … I have to confess that in our lessons, I pandered to this addiction by returning the discussion to the topic because it was so clear that was the only thing he was interested in (and he paid well … LOL).

But the most colourful conversation we ever had was when I asked him about public baths in Korea. I had heard about them, but never been to one. I asked him what they were like, and he tried to describe them to me. However, he was somewhat vague, and explained that he couldn’t go to public baths himself, so he wasn’t entirely sure what they were like or what people did in them. Naturally, I asked him why he couldn’t go to a public bath. Again being very vague, he said he had some anatomical abnormalities that, if exposed to public viewing, might cause him to lose his study hall business, as parents would likely pull their kids out and not let them return.

I’m sure I hesitated, not really sure if I should ask about this abnormality, or even if I wanted to know. But suddenly Ken laughed and shrugged and told me this story:

He and his friend, as teenagers, wanted to be circumcised, but no doctor would do it for them. So one night they broke into a clinic and stole some anesthetic, and circumcised themselves. But apparently it wasn’t quite done properly. At this point, Ken started flipping through the Korean-English dictionary and came up with this word: FRILLY.

Even now I laugh and shake my head. Surely he was making it up. It’s one of the most outlandish stories I’ve ever heard. But it was almost too bizarre to be fabricated. Ken quickly offered to show me proof, and I declined just as promptly.

But now I’m kind of sorry that I did, because I’ll never know whether any of it was true … LOL