Being Angelina Jolie

Sometimes I think about what it must be like to be Angelina Jolie.

I purse my lips when I look in the mirror and imagine I am one of the world’s sexiest women. I think about jet setting around the world to bring media attention to worthy causes and I think about being to adopt needy children and being able to donate one third of my income to charity … I don’t think about Brad, because he does nothing for me. However, one of Brad’s closest buddies is Mr. George Clooney, who fortunately does a LOT for me. Rrrrrowr!

But back to Angelina … I’m really concerned for her this week. Recent magazines tell me:

• she is having an affair with her bodyguard;
• she also shared a kiss with a co-worker that went “too far” and that Brad is furious;
• the family of her adopted daughter Zahara wants her back;
• Angelina was pregnant but miscarried and that, heartbroken, she continues to lose weight off her 94-pound body (illustrated by a photo of a flabby concave belly);
• Brad’s mother has invited Brad’s ex Jen to the family Thanksgiving weekend, and Angelina has thrown a fit and accused Brad’s mother of being “sneaky” (the same magazine also suggests that Brad told Angelina that what his mother does in her free time is her own business, but I’m not sure that Brad is that smart – are you???).

Wow. That’s a lot to deal with in a really short time period, don’t you think? I want to give her a hug or something … she must be absolutely [sob] falling apart!!! Job of the Old Testament had nothing on the trials and tribulations of Angelina Jolie!

Now don’t tell me they just make stuff up. These people are journalists. They have integrity. And long zoom lenses. And they chase after celebrities to try to get away from honest, sincere people who just want to know the truth. And really, when you become famous, you give up your rights – and those of your children – to privacy. Besides, it’s totally possible that all these things are going on in Angelina’s life all at the same time!

Okay, in all seriousness, I love Angelina, but could the media please just stop hounding this family??? As long as we buy their magazines, these vermin will continue its deplorable behaviour towards two people who no doubt are just trying to make their way the best way they know how.

* No magazines were actually bought for this blog posting; in fact most magazines were not even lifted from the stands next to the cashiers.