Questions and answers

My friend and reader JennP posted this list of questions on her Facebook page, so I thought I'd provide my own answers:

This time last November, who were you dating?
Ah, longest dry spell ever.

Last person to make you smile?
A neighbour.

Who/what can you blame for your bad mood today?
I’m not in a bad mood at all, but if I were, I would hold myself responsible. Attitude is so important.

Do you wash your hair in the shower?
As opposed to having it washed for me at a salon on a daily basis?

Do you care what others think about you?
Sometimes too much, other times not so much. Generally if I know what’s right in my heart, I’ll follow it and damn the torpedoes.

How was last night?
Okay. HARD midterm, followed by major reorganization of my apartment and my storage closet in the creepy basement, in preparation for possibly showing my apartment to a potential roommate! (The second bedroom had become a large storage closet.) PRAY HARD, PEOPLE.

If you're being extremely quiet, what does it mean?
I’m hurt/withdrawn, or perhaps tired.

What did you do on Saturday?
Studied and …??? If I did anything else, I truly can't remember it.

Have you ever liked anyone that treated you like crap?
Unfortunately, yes.

Do you believe in celebrating anniversaries?
Yes, without getting crazy about it.

Where would you like to be right now?
Travelling through Europe, or hanging out in Seattle with my niece and nephew.

Have you ever been cheated on?
Nope! I’ve watched someone make a play for my boyfriend at the time, which was interesting. My friends were outraged at her behaviour, but I had complete trust in him. It was great. I learned that I am not a jealous person. And that I would never seriously date anyone whom I thought would cheat on me.

Are you a bigger fan of snowstorms or thunderstorms?
As long as I don’t have to shovel snow or bail out a basement, I like either!

Name a lyric from the last song you listened to
I’ve only listened to instrumental music so far today, so I will share some of my favourite lyrics ever, from 5 Days in May by Blue Rodeo:

… Somehow they stayed that way
For those 5 days in May
Made all the stars around them shine
Funny how you can look in vain
Living on nerves and such sweet pain
The loneliness that cuts so fine
To find the face you've seen a thousand times

Sometimes the world begins
To set you up on your feet again
It wipes the tears from your eyes
How will you ever know
The way that circumstances go
Always going to hit you by surprise
I know my past
You were there
In everything I've done
You are the one

Looking back it's hard to tell
Why they stood while others fell
Spend your life working it out …

The whole song is pure poetry. I love it so very much.

Will the last person you kissed, be the next person you kiss?
Not at this rate … LOL

Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
Yes, many many years ago. Fortunately, life for me keeps getting better since then.

Is there any emotion you are trying to hide?
There are certainly things that I don’t consider healthy for public airing. But lately I’m engaged in facing my own emotions fully, which is quite scary and weirdly liberating.

You go into target and have twenty dollars to spend, what do you buy?
School supplies, like paper (recycled, please!)

Would your parents be mad at you if you came home smashed?
I think they would be a bit concerned, since it would be very much out of character for me to arrive at their place liquored up. Especially since I would normally drive to get there.

Do you have trust issues?
Trusting myself, absolutely. With others, I have a pretty good sense of people and can be really loving and open quite quickly with the good ones*, which can be misinterpreted or celebrated by the other person involved. Then there’s the other 90% who see varying degrees of guardedness from me.

*Sometimes I connect with someone and it's just like "Oh THERE you are! I've been waiting for you without even realizing it!" This usually happens for me with certain female friends. It is very cool.

Was this weekend a good one?
Absolutely! I studied a lot, but I am very blessed.

Were you happy when you woke up today?
I was more peaceful than I was last night. Last night I was overtired and became a bit emotional. Thankfully, I have enough experience to know I should just go to bed when I feel like that.

Do you own guns?
I don’t even own a glue gun.

What do you think of hot dogs?
Veggie ones are okay. They hit the spot sometimes, but they’re hardly good food.

Can you do push ups?
Nope. I need to work on my upper body strength, but I have some neck/shoulder issues, so I need to go slooooowly.

What's one trait that you hate about yourself?
Just one??? My insecurity.

Name 3 things you bought yesterday
banana bread (with chocolate chips!), fruit smoothie, yummy dinner of chickpea stew and quinoa salad.

Name 3 drinks you drink regularly:
water, herbal teas, and …? I don't drink juice, wine, or beer "regularly".

What will you be doing in a year from now?
Hopefully living as a full-time student.

Best toy as a child?
Kittens! (Not that they are really toys ... don't get all SPCA on me!!! LOL)

Worst injury you've ever had?
When I was very young (5 years old?), a large, wide piece of plywood got picked up by a very strong wind and smacked me down into the gravel of our yard. Half of my sweet little face was a scabbed-up mess. I remember a day or two later, my little friend Carolyn told our other friend Theresa - in my hearing - that they HAD to play with me because I was ugly. LOL The only evidence I have of this experience now is a tiny purple scar beside my eye.

Do you think you'll be married in 10 years?
I honestly couldn’t say. I’m not at all hung up on marriage. But I do hope to be in a loving, committed relationship ten years from now.

Would you go in public looking like you do right now?
I just did.

Do you dance while getting ready for whatever?
Inside, perhaps. :)

Favorite Sports Team?
I don’t watch sports, generally.

Do you like your life?
It gets better all the time – crazy, unpredictable, breathtaking, frustrating – always an opportunity to learn and grow.

Are you happy?
Happiness is transient, and I think unhappiness serves to drive us to new achievements and discoveries. But it’s conversely also important to be content in the present moment.

But I'm sure the Dalai Lama has defined happiness and its role in our lives much better than I could:

I believe that the very purpose of life is to be happy. From the very core of our being, we desire contentment. In my own limited experience I have found that the more we care for the happiness of others, the greater is our own sense of well-being. Cultivating a close, warmhearted feeling for others automatically puts the mind at ease. It helps remove whatever fears or insecurities we may have and gives us the strength to cope with any obstacles we encounter. It is the principal source of success in life. Since we are not solely material creatures, it is a mistake to place all our hopes for happiness on external development alone. The key is to develop inner peace.

Have you ever not been able to get someone off your mind?
Hello, I am a girl. It seems to be part of our circuitry, dammit.

Is it okay if you kiss people when you're single?
I love Jenn’s answer: “How else would you get to the not single part” But in general I am not a kissy person. Even the European style of kissing a friend on both cheeks. It's the glasses - I'm always afraid of gouging someone with the corner of my glasses. However, like Bull Durham, I do believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days. :)

Who is your last text from?
Wendy!

Whats your current favorite color?
Blue, as per usual.

What is your current mood?
Philosophical.

When is your birthday?
in the spring

What color shirt are you wearing?
white

If you were going on a reality TV show, which one would it be?
I would love someday to have enough knowledge and experience someday to be on the news as an “expert”. Except I've been in a TV studio before, and the bright lights are really super uncomfortable.

Something you do a lot?
Think.

How many piercings?
4, but two have grown in.

When was the last time you cried?
Oh, I’ve probably cried a tear or two of self-pity recently, but the last major cry was while watching my dad kiss my niece and nephew goodbye at the end of their visit in September. It was one of the most heart-wrenching things I’ve ever seen.

Who would you do anything for?
Well, I would like to think that I am generous with most of my friends and family. But if it came to donating a kidney, that circle would be a little smaller. :)

American Pie or Superbad?
I have seen neither.

What’s your biggest fear?
Poverty.

Where is your ex?
Probably here in Toronto somewhere. Don’t know for sure, though. Although I think I saw his dad at my subway stop last week, which was a little weird.

What was the first thing you said this morning?
I probably asked the cats if they were hungry.

Whats your favorite smell?
Freshly-laundered clothes on a sexy man. Yum!

Have you ever been kissed in the rain?
I don't think so.

Do you like rain?
Oh yes.

Whats your favorite memory?
This afternoon: http://eclecta.blogspot.com/2005/06/self-portrait-at-beach_12.html

Then this moment: http://eclecta.blogspot.com/2007/05/sweetheart-baby.html

(I was crying at the time, but this is the precise moment I fell in love with my niece.)

What are you listening to?
Oops, started listening to music with lyrics, so now it’s “1973” by James Blunt.

Favorite soda pop?
Coke Classic, though I RARELY indulge. I miss my rum n’ cokes.

Who was the last person you yelled at?
A couple of years ago, I had just gotten off the subway and was climbing the stairs to leave the station when an elderly gentleman riding the escalator beside me started to lose his balance. Several of us moved to help him (I remember desperately holding his hand to the handrail), but he couldn't seem to get his feet under him. I realized that there were people at the bottom of the escalator just standing there watching in fascination, and so I yelled at them to push the button to stop the escalator. They finally snapped out of it and stopped the escalator, and the elderly gentleman immediately recovered his balance and was able to walk out of the subway station without further assistance. I, on the other hand, had a surge of adrenaline to deal with, and the anger I felt towards the people at the bottom of the escalator frightened me. Thankfully, there have been no such repeats.

Otherwise, I am not into yelling at people.

Who is the last person you told "I love you' to?
My mom.

Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed?
I think it would be very human of me to have some mixed feelings, but I would try to be happy for him. I believe in love and think our world needs more of it.

If someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you?
Mmm depends. I tend to attract significantly older, unhappily-married men, which is totally not cool.

Have you heard a song that reminds you of anyone today?
I just listened to “Jessie’s Girl” by Rick Springfield, which makes me think about how much my brother enjoyed that song when it first came out. :)

When was the last time you felt like your heart was actually breaking?
See the one above about the last time I cried.

Do you believe that you can change for someone?
Like Jenn, I think the only person you can change for is yourself.

Is there someone you don't ever want to be out of your life?
So many.

Do you give out second chances too easily?
It depends on what happened with the first chance.

The last person you kissed needs you at 3 am, would you go?
Absolutely, without question. He was a wonderful friend who really listened to me when I needed someone to talk to, and a person I deeply respect and admire.

When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face?
An ex many many moons ago.

Do you believe ex's can be friends?
Depends. I read somewhere ("How to Make an American Quilt", perhaps?) once that lovers can't be friends if one loved the other in a way that the other didn’t return, but that they could be friends only if neither loved the other, or they both loved each other still. I think there’s a lot of wisdom in that.

Do you find it in your heart to forgive?
Depends on what is to be forgiven. But often what happens with me is that I can't care enough to hold onto the details of what happened, just that the person is no longer to be trusted.

Write whatever comes to mind first

1. I need a cigarette: yuck

2. Sex: rrrrrowllllll

3. Relationships: hard

4. Your Last Ex: [something not very nice about his appearance; I need to be a better person]

5. Power: owning myself

6. Marijuana: why?

7. Crack: butt

8. Food: nutrition

9. This President: don’t let the door hit your a$$ on the way out

10. War: poppy

11. Cars: wheels (ingenious, I know)

12. Gas Prices: cheaper now, but for how long?

13. Halloween: over

14. Bon Jovi: wild hair

15. Religion: it’s complicated

16. Facebook: network

17. Worst Fear: gut-clenching anxiety

18. Marriage: the few amazing ones make everyone try hard for their own

19.Fashion: kinda dumb

20. Brunettes: smart

21. Redheads: classy

22: Work: dignity

23: Football: please don’t get hurt

24: One night stands: disappointing

26: Pixie Stix: Pixies? on sticks??? That seems rather cruel, or at least like the M.O. of a 18th-century biologist.

27: Vanilla Ice: too long ago

29: Porta Potties: Honey Pot (that’s a company that makes them in the Northwest)

30: High school: learning

31: Pajamas: flannel

32. Wood: wonder of nature

33. Surfers: stupid (unfair, I know)

34. Pictures: I need to take more

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Eclecta
2. My first name (two variations; the less formal one is now generally only used by family and very close friends)
3. My dad's nickname for me is "Puss", because I've always liked cats. I once suggested that this was not an appropriate nickname, and he became very offended. LOL

THREE THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. eyes
2. arms
3. tenderness

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. writing
2. photography
3. reading