Fighting a lifelong case of the "shoulds"

Helloooooo there … anybody still around here these days?

It’s been rather quiet around here lately (although admittedly very visual). You know when you start up an application or do something equally load-intensive, it just seems to stall? You still see the hard drive light flashing, and maybe there’s a little hourglass that blinks on the screen, but otherwise … nada? Yeah, well, that’s been my blog lately. I’ve been processing. I’ve been going to the gym, trying to get back in shape, but I’ve also had a number of things to sort through lately. Nothing bad, just stuff for me to sort out in my own mind. It’s not done yet (by far), but I thought I’d just let you know what was going on. I don’t want to write or talk about it, so kindly just accept it for what it is. A mystery. :)

On another topic, how predominant is the word “should” in your vocabulary? About ten years ago, someone pointed out to me that it was all-too-common in my words and thoughts. And it was totally, 100% true; much of my motivation for the things that I did was from a sense of duty or obligation rather than a genuine willingness or interest. How sad and joyless is that? Worse, “shoulds” never let up; there’s always some way in which we fail to live up to all the things that we ought to do and think and accomplish and practice. Because we’re human, and human beings have limitations and failings.

So, over the years, I’ve tried to ease up on my “shoulds”. I don’t think it’s possible to entirely free oneself of the “shoulds” without becoming totally irresponsible, but I try to use my “shoulds” judiciously, when warranted. It’s a perpetual struggle for someone with my personality, I have to say, and I probably let the “shoulds” have more of my time and energy than is healthy. But I’m working on it.

So when someone else comes along and tries to add more “shoulds” that are really not reasonable or not even mine (or does this to someone else I know is feeling guilty for not being able to get to all his/her “shoulds”), there WILL. BE. CRANKINESS.

Enough said.