Sunset @ Ashbridges Bay V

Sunset @ Ashbridges Bay V
Originally uploaded by Noisypond.

Sometimes it's dark and lonely, but there's still a little bit of light that somehow makes it all work.

In blogging I sometimes struggle with balancing honesty and realism. Many people I know read this, and usually that's great. But when you have to pick and choose what to reveal, you can create a false image of yourself as a person or of your life. I'm not sure that it really matters what people "out there" think of me, but it does matter to me that they not have unrealistic impressions of what it's like on the other side of the fence (whatever that fence may be to you - marriage, age, location, money).

So what can I say? Lately I've been struggling with disappointment in the behaviour of some people of whom I'd expected far better. Sometimes that disappointment bleeds back into anger (which was where I started after the shock wore off). In some ways, I feel stuck, and feel that I've lost/misplaced my own inner light. Other times I feel like the sulky teenager who's just realized adults are fallible and hates everyone. LOL (Well, except for the fact that I don't hate anybody.) In moments when I'm kinder to myself, I realize that I'm actually going through the 5 phases of grieving and that I need to honour it and work through it (rather than repress it) but also to give it time. In the end, I think it will come down to how I choose to live my life (e.g., love, forgiveness, self-empowerment vs. bitterness and holding grudges).

I'm trusting that eventually, this small darkness will produce something precious or beautiful, as in this photograph.