Post 1178

Today was a hard day, but not as tough as it was for my friends Steph and Dom. They were expecting twins – boys, Tristan and Kieran. But at 25 weeks (I think – too early, anyway), Steph went into labour and neither baby survived.

It was hard to focus at work this morning after I learned the news. I couldn’t imagine how awful they must have been feeling. But tonight when a few of us went to visit them in the hospital, I had a feeling I'd be walking into something holy.

I was so impressed with Steph and Dom's maturity, emotional honesty, and grace. She cried as she told us about how both boys were born alive, how they got to hold them, and that they each passed away. They talked about how it was an emotional roller-coaster, with fatigue and pain and hormones and painkillers and lots of great support – and grief.

Dom made an interesting point about information versus answers – they could have had the babies autopsied, but it still would have been unlikely to provide any answers about why them, why their babies. Instead, they chose to accept that these questions would never be answered. They talked about the limitations of modern medicine, and how death is a part of life, despite how uncomfortable we are with it in Western culture (Dom called it “truly the last taboo of our society”). [I like hanging out with Dom because he always makes me think.] We talked about how life couldn't be truly precious if there were no death.

They spoke about their plans for a memorial for their sons.

Surprisingly, there was laughter at times. The community which they have built – of which I am proudly a part – was evident in all the visitors, calls, and flowers, and it obviously meant a great deal to them.

When I left the hospital, I still felt very sad for them, but also uplifted somehow.

I know Steph and Dom are going to be okay, but if you are the type who prays or sends positive thoughts, please think of them over the next few weeks anyway. Thanks.