On power

A few years ago, I used to work with someone who was really proud of his acute perception of others. More than once, he boasted of his ability to say the exact thing that would make someone cry or blow his stack. Hmmm …

I was reminded of him recently when someone assured me that he could handle situations for me, because he knew how to be mean. Again, said with a pride (thinly veiled as humour) that I actually found disturbing.

Both these people are people whom I actually deeply appreciate for their other qualities. But, oh, I think, how hard it must be for the people who love them.

This week I had a confrontation with someone at the opposite end of the scale: an amazingly smart and talented woman who continually sacrifices her own well-being and goals through misplaced trust and bad judgment. Hey, if being a victim is what you do best, by all means master it. Just don’t expect me to be another casualty, because I’m simply not that self-destructive. But oh, how hard and frustrating it is to watch you …

Power. It’s a loaded word. But I think we all have the potential for self-sovereignty that commands respect and generates kindness and compassion for others as well as oneself. I’ve gone through many years of not knowing I had this power, but these days it feels amazing to become more and more familiar with it and confident of it.

I suppose there is the thrill of subjugating another person to one’s own will, of utterly dominating or conquering someone. And the commitment to something or someone without regard for oneself can feel so frigging passionate and noble (boy have I been there!). But no matter what direction you come from, at the end of the day you're left with just yourself, and if you can't love and respect yourself and trust your place in the world, there's just no escape from that hell.

But my heart leaps in the aspiration to be an enlightened warrior, applying my strength to peace, beauty, love, and truth. I’m excited by my own potential (by everyone’s potential, really) and the joyous and amazing ways it could be manifested through focus, hard work, respect, communication, humility, and a lot of grace. No, I realize I will never “arrive”, and I have so much yet to learn, but I’m digging the journey tremendously. :)

There’s a saying that the truth is somewhere in the middle. Ugh, “middle”. How boring, lame, weak does that sound? But I feel that as with many truths, the extremes meet in the centre and are powerfully transformed and balanced to something far more rewarding than either of the polar opposites.

I am posting this not because I feel I’ve mastered this and always live in my own personal power, but I want to hold myself accountable to live in it more often.