Being there

First things first: Jo, an associate in a club in which we both volunteer, came “out of the closet" today and admitted that she is a regular reader of this blog. Yay Jo! Friends and Internet vagabonds, please welcome Jo to this humble site (she really is smart and very nice and especially kind to animals).

FRIENDS AND INTERNET VAGABONDS: HEY THERE, JO!!!

Moving on, Natalia left an interesting comment on yesterday’s post that I think I can blog about. Here’s what she wrote:

Good friends rule. And good friends are not as easy to come by as people who are friendly but that, in time of need, disappear. Or people who are jealous and envious of you even though they purport to be your friend. Yeah..complicated.

Natalia obviously writes from experience, which sucks. Of course, this is a lesson that almost all of us have to learn at one time or another. Life can’t be perfect all the time, and it’s interesting to see who’s around during the rocky patches.

When I was a teenager, I had the corollary of the same problem: people were friends with me when they were going through a hard time and needed someone to talk to, but when they wanted to have fun, a lot of them found other friends to hang out with. Granted, I was a very serious, unhappy kid at the time and I think I’ve always been a pretty good listener, but it still led to a few hangups. To this day, I still struggle to see myself as a fun person, or to accept that people would like to spend time with me just for me and not for how I can support them during a crisis.

All that said, being there for my friends – or people in general – is one of my core beliefs. I often feel energized by helping other people and feel a sense of calm and purpose when I can do something to help. I’m always grateful when the crisis has passed and the person doesn’t need me any more, but when the moment arrives, I absolutely want to be there.

This week has been a mixed bag in this area. I hope I helped “Janie”, but in the end I deeply regreat I wasn’t able to help more. With another person, I think I’ve been able to help someone a lot, but it’s early yet and she still has to choose her own path. I’ve had to set boundaries and priorities too. All the time, I’ve been hoping and praying for the wisdom to say and do the right things. I don’t know I’ll ever know for certain whether I did.

Anyone else ever have weeks like this one?